Am I Ready?

As the time gets closer, they've landed, they're picking up the rental car and then driving out here! My nerves are going a mile a minute. I realize this is JUST a visit (believe me I've been told that 1,000 times) but it is so much more than that. This is the first time we get them at home, all to ourselves. Of course our caseworker is coming over to meet the boys so we're not totally by ourselves but still. The boys are on our home turf. We know where to take them, we are comfortable here. This is our (and someday their) home.

Still I couldn't help thinking "am i ready?" last night. For seven years, it's just been me and Cliff. No kids to answer to. No kids to think about. We could up and go to Wal-Mart at 10pm if we wanted to. For so long, I didn't think I would ever have kids. And in an hour they will be taking over my home! It has been such a long ride. I worry I'm not ready.

Who is ever ready for such a big change? We've been waiting for this for 11 months. We've been through the training. We are more than ready in that way. Am I ready emotionally? Am I ready for less sleep?

Yes, it's only a week. But it's a glimpse into our future. Eventually (hopefully soon) they will be here full time. And that's exciting, awesome, scary and happy.

Am I ready? In some ways, yes. In some ways, probably not. I do know that this is going to change our life in a lot of ways.  Bring on the changes! I will never be 100% ready.


"If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives."

xoxo
nikki