I guess it's time for an update seeing as how the boys have been here almost a month and I've only updated once!!
The first week or two was a really hard adjustment for me. Embarassingly enough, I broke down crying in front of our caseworker, of all people, who told me that everything I was feeling and dealing with was COMPLETELY NORMAL. After hearing that and talking it out with Cliff, I was able to stop withdrawing and start bonding with my boys.
It seems like the boys have been here so much longer than just 3 weeks! We are getting into a routine. They go to sports camp Mon-Fri which also helped me feel more normal and like things weren't totally spinning out of control. When they get home it's usually play outside for an hour, dinner, baths and bed. I'm learning to be VERY flexible and go with the flow. It's good to plan some things but more times than not we end up throwing our plans out the window and doing something else.
I really had to let go when it comes to food. I come from a "eat it or go hungry" mentality and you can't really do that when your caseworker comes once a month! We've ordered pizzas more times than I'd like to count and they eat corndogs and chicken nuggets often! We are starting to get them to eat veggies and fruits so I think it'll get better with time. D is SUPER PICKY (which you'd think I'd be used to dealing with Cliff!!) and doesn't really like to try anything new. He is the pizza lover and will ALWAYS say pizza (or corndogs) if you ask him what he wants to eat. Q is better about trying things, he's had some of my strawberry-banana smoothie (which he loves), strawberries, carrots, pickles, green tea, sleepy time tea...basically I'll tell him to eat something and 9 times out of 10 he'll try it. He'll usually only turn his nose up if D says he doesn't like it first. If I get Q by himself, he'll usually try it.
Q gets distracted by EVERYTHING!! He LOVES to touch everything. If he sees a button he has to know what it does. He'll take the magnets off the fridge and go around the house finding things that are magnetic. If you let him go upstairs by himself, he'll take ten minutes pausing on every step. He sings to himself in the bath. He's super cuddly and affectionate though. One morning we were cuddling on the couch and he said he was hungry so I asked him if he wanted to eat or cuddle and he said cuddle! So breakfast was a little late that day!
D is ACTIVE! I think he would live outside if we let him. He LOVES to go outside and play basketball! He also LOVES to ride his bike. He's riding without training wheels now! He had them for about two weeks I think and then he asked us to take them off and once they were off he took right off! Every day he comes home from Sports Camp (where they play sports ALL DAY outside) and asks to go outside and either play basketball or ride his bike. He loves to play volleyball at night in his room while we wait for Q to take his bath. He also loves to play lego video games with me!
Grandma and Grandpa David came out last weekend and the boys had SO MUCH FUN! Grandpa gave bull rides, which they LOVED! They showed Grandma how to play games on their ipods. They all built a train together. We went swimming, to the park, had pizza, and just had a really wonderful weekend.
I love seeing my boys love their grandparents, great-grandparents and Uncle Dale. Last night we were outside playing, they spotted Uncle Dale down the street and ran to give him hugs! They do this any time they see him, Great-Grandma, Great-Grandpa, Grandma, and Grandpa. I can't wait for them to meet the rest of their new family! They will love everyone!
Overall life is a LOT BUSIER now. We buy food A LOT MORE. We buy kids clothes A LOT. We're adjusting to our new normal and loving it!
xoxo
nikki
Friday, June 16, 2017
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Day 1
As I type this, Q is sitting next to me playing on his ipod. It is so weird to have a sidekick! He's easy peasy though. He has a really good attention span. Once he gets on something, he'll do it for a good 30 minutes sometimes. Of course, he's got to be next to me right now which is fine and also understandable. If I go in the other room, he's right behind. But it is really nice that I can get work done (and this done) and he'll just play on his ipod.
Cliff's got the other sidekick. He's a little more active than his brother. He LOVES to go outside and play basketball or just go outside. He likes going for walks with his scooter. His attention span is much more sporadic. Sometimes he'll play something for awhile and other times he's switching from activity to activity every five minutes. He's also super attached to Dad. Dad left yesterday to go to the store and every five or so minutes D was at the door looking for him or swearing he saw his car or heard the car. Q is a little more attached to me but he mostly attaches to both of us equally. D will give me hugs and do things with me but I can already tell that he's more attached to Dad.
We're mostly going with the flow over here. I'm trying to start a routine as far as when they eat, shower and go to bed but during the day we're *trying* to just do what they want to do.
Q lost a tooth yesterday! When we picked them up at the airport, he was showing me he could wiggle it, then a couple hours later he just pulled it out! I was so proud of him! Then he took his stuffed rabbit into the bath with him and got it all soapy, I was not so proud of him at that point! I ended up calling my mom (thank goodness for my mom!) to find out how to wash it in the washing machine. It came out fine, thank goodness and I've learned my first mom lesson!
The days are punctuated with A LOT of "good jobs". What else do you say when they say "i beat this level" "i did such and such". They are very polite and say "thank you" for everything!! They'll randomly give hugs.
It is definitely an adjustment. I got up at 6:45, thinking that was early enough and they were already up when I got downstairs! They didn't go to bed til after 9!
While I was typing this, D came in and gave me a hug. He just wanted to know where Q and I were.
And now I've got to go because Q wants to go outside with everyone else. See, he gave me about 30 mins!
I'll update when I can.
xoxo
nikki
Cliff's got the other sidekick. He's a little more active than his brother. He LOVES to go outside and play basketball or just go outside. He likes going for walks with his scooter. His attention span is much more sporadic. Sometimes he'll play something for awhile and other times he's switching from activity to activity every five minutes. He's also super attached to Dad. Dad left yesterday to go to the store and every five or so minutes D was at the door looking for him or swearing he saw his car or heard the car. Q is a little more attached to me but he mostly attaches to both of us equally. D will give me hugs and do things with me but I can already tell that he's more attached to Dad.
We're mostly going with the flow over here. I'm trying to start a routine as far as when they eat, shower and go to bed but during the day we're *trying* to just do what they want to do.
Q lost a tooth yesterday! When we picked them up at the airport, he was showing me he could wiggle it, then a couple hours later he just pulled it out! I was so proud of him! Then he took his stuffed rabbit into the bath with him and got it all soapy, I was not so proud of him at that point! I ended up calling my mom (thank goodness for my mom!) to find out how to wash it in the washing machine. It came out fine, thank goodness and I've learned my first mom lesson!
The days are punctuated with A LOT of "good jobs". What else do you say when they say "i beat this level" "i did such and such". They are very polite and say "thank you" for everything!! They'll randomly give hugs.
It is definitely an adjustment. I got up at 6:45, thinking that was early enough and they were already up when I got downstairs! They didn't go to bed til after 9!
While I was typing this, D came in and gave me a hug. He just wanted to know where Q and I were.
And now I've got to go because Q wants to go outside with everyone else. See, he gave me about 30 mins!
I'll update when I can.
xoxo
nikki
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Finally Settling In
We've been in this house almost two years and I finally have finished decorating the kitchen!
It all started two days (yes, 2) before the boys were coming for their visit. See our kitchen had wallpaper (ick) and we had picked out a color, oh about 6 months earlier. (We like to stretch projects out around here). Well, the problem was that I had painted a small section of the wallpaper to see if the color would 1) look good and 2) cover the wallpaper so I wouldn't have to remove it. So, now I had 3 problems: 1) I didn't like the color (it was coral), 2) it didn't cover the wallpaper, 3) the boys caseworker was dropping them off and we didn't want her seeing our kitchen with part of it painted.
So for the next 12 hours, I patiently peeled wallpaper off our kitchen walls. Yes, I did realize the irony that I have the patience to peel wallpaper but don't have the patience to wait for the boys paperwork.
Would it surprise you if I said I had before pics? Yeah, it'd surprise me too! Here's a pic from before the house was ours:
It doesn't look like wallpaper but see the "tan-colored" wall, yeah, that's super tacky wallpaper:
It all started two days (yes, 2) before the boys were coming for their visit. See our kitchen had wallpaper (ick) and we had picked out a color, oh about 6 months earlier. (We like to stretch projects out around here). Well, the problem was that I had painted a small section of the wallpaper to see if the color would 1) look good and 2) cover the wallpaper so I wouldn't have to remove it. So, now I had 3 problems: 1) I didn't like the color (it was coral), 2) it didn't cover the wallpaper, 3) the boys caseworker was dropping them off and we didn't want her seeing our kitchen with part of it painted.
So for the next 12 hours, I patiently peeled wallpaper off our kitchen walls. Yes, I did realize the irony that I have the patience to peel wallpaper but don't have the patience to wait for the boys paperwork.
Would it surprise you if I said I had before pics? Yeah, it'd surprise me too! Here's a pic from before the house was ours:
It doesn't look like wallpaper but see the "tan-colored" wall, yeah, that's super tacky wallpaper:
Now here's the wall after 12 hours of wallpaper removal:
And after it was painted:
You can't see very well, but it's a blue-gray more blue than gray.
We got all that done before the boys vist (phew!) but it was just a blank wall. It took me another 2 months to figure out how to decorate it but I JUST finished!
Starting left to right:
These cute canvas prints I painted:
More canvas art by me:
Love this for the kitchen also by me:
And our family rules, which you can actually (if you have good eyesight) read from the front door! And done by me!
Finally, the words over each window:
Yes, I taped and painted each individual letter. Yes, it was time consuming. Yes, it was a lot of work. Yes, WE LOVE IT!
Oops, almost forgot:
The clock over the fireplace that CLIFF MADE!! We know now what time it is when we're sitting in the living room!
So the kitchen is FINALLY finished being decorated! I love living in a house with color and decor on the wall, especially decor I made!
The living room is in progress but currently has one wall done:
I loved the cute idea I found here: http://www.itsoverflowing.com/2013/04/diy-frame/
We tweaked it a little bit because I order 4x6's EVERY TIME Shutterfly has their 101 free prints and I wanted somewhere to hang them that was easy to change out.
There you have it! Besides work, this has been keeping me busy but I'm thankful we got it all done before the boys get here! 13 MORE DAYS!!!
xoxo
nikki
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
Paperwork Problems
At this point, it has been 3 months since we met the boys for the first time. The first month and a
half-ish, the two states were negotiating the contract. When the boys came to visit, the ICPC was just being sent off.
Here's what I knew about ICPC then (from Internet research):
It wasn't supposed to take too long. It's basically the boys home state going through a checklist, checking off that we have everything, sending everything to Colorado, Colorado doing the same thing and sending it back saying approved, then we get the call saying come get your boys! It could take a week to two weeks.
Well, well, well. About a week after our ICPC was sent off, we got a call from our county. "Hi, we need to schedule your home study and we're sending you some fingerprint cards in the mail." "Uh, WHAT?!" We told them we had a home study and we'd done fingerprint cards, background checks, child abuse checks (in every state we've ever lived in) and they were basically saying that none of that was any good and it had to be done through the county instead of through an agency. We couldn't be too mad at the girl calling because she was just reading what the paperwork Nevada had sent said.
Oh, by the way, we went through a private, small agency to get all this done. So, of course, the head of our agency was in AFRICA that week. We called our caseworker, here in Colorado, and told her what the county had said and she immediately said she'd call and get it taken care of because it made no sense. While she was working on figuring out the problem, for about 3 days we thought we were going to have to go through EVERYTHING again. I was MAD.
Finally, by the end of the week, our caseworker and the county person called us and told us that the paperwork had been filled out wrong. There was just one box that needed to be checked. Easy fix, right? Wrong. There are no easy, quick fixes. The paperwork had to be REDONE and RESUBMITTED to Nevada, then sent to our county, then Colorado.
"Ok, so once it gets to Colorado and they approve it that's it, right?" We asked.
"Yes." They all replied.
Fast forward a week to yesterday. We call our caseworker. She tells us that Colorado has approved it and sent it to Nevada to be approved. WAIT, WHAT?! Yeah, once Colorado approves it then Nevada reapproves it (I guess) and we should be getting the call ANY DAY NOW.
We have been told ANY DAY NOW for about the past two weeks. Every time we think it's over, there's something else that pops up.
This process has made me remember something that somebody, somewhere at some point in my life told me:
"The devil doesn't want you to have the things that are good and right for you. If you are going after something that is right for your life, he is going to throw every obstacle at you but that's how you know what you're doing is right."
If there has ever been anytime in my life that this quote has fit perfectly, it's NOW. There have been SO MANY OBSTACLES trying to get our boys here. We already know that this is what God wants but that quote is getting me through this trying time.
So, here's to ANY DAY NOW, which could be this week, next week or next month. Our boys will get here when they're supposed to. And life will change dramatically and we can't wait but we are trying to enjoy these days where it's just the two of us.
xoxo
nikki
half-ish, the two states were negotiating the contract. When the boys came to visit, the ICPC was just being sent off.
Here's what I knew about ICPC then (from Internet research):
It wasn't supposed to take too long. It's basically the boys home state going through a checklist, checking off that we have everything, sending everything to Colorado, Colorado doing the same thing and sending it back saying approved, then we get the call saying come get your boys! It could take a week to two weeks.
Well, well, well. About a week after our ICPC was sent off, we got a call from our county. "Hi, we need to schedule your home study and we're sending you some fingerprint cards in the mail." "Uh, WHAT?!" We told them we had a home study and we'd done fingerprint cards, background checks, child abuse checks (in every state we've ever lived in) and they were basically saying that none of that was any good and it had to be done through the county instead of through an agency. We couldn't be too mad at the girl calling because she was just reading what the paperwork Nevada had sent said.
Oh, by the way, we went through a private, small agency to get all this done. So, of course, the head of our agency was in AFRICA that week. We called our caseworker, here in Colorado, and told her what the county had said and she immediately said she'd call and get it taken care of because it made no sense. While she was working on figuring out the problem, for about 3 days we thought we were going to have to go through EVERYTHING again. I was MAD.
Finally, by the end of the week, our caseworker and the county person called us and told us that the paperwork had been filled out wrong. There was just one box that needed to be checked. Easy fix, right? Wrong. There are no easy, quick fixes. The paperwork had to be REDONE and RESUBMITTED to Nevada, then sent to our county, then Colorado.
"Ok, so once it gets to Colorado and they approve it that's it, right?" We asked.
"Yes." They all replied.
Fast forward a week to yesterday. We call our caseworker. She tells us that Colorado has approved it and sent it to Nevada to be approved. WAIT, WHAT?! Yeah, once Colorado approves it then Nevada reapproves it (I guess) and we should be getting the call ANY DAY NOW.
We have been told ANY DAY NOW for about the past two weeks. Every time we think it's over, there's something else that pops up.
This process has made me remember something that somebody, somewhere at some point in my life told me:
"The devil doesn't want you to have the things that are good and right for you. If you are going after something that is right for your life, he is going to throw every obstacle at you but that's how you know what you're doing is right."
If there has ever been anytime in my life that this quote has fit perfectly, it's NOW. There have been SO MANY OBSTACLES trying to get our boys here. We already know that this is what God wants but that quote is getting me through this trying time.
So, here's to ANY DAY NOW, which could be this week, next week or next month. Our boys will get here when they're supposed to. And life will change dramatically and we can't wait but we are trying to enjoy these days where it's just the two of us.
xoxo
nikki
Friday, April 7, 2017
It's Fixed
When the boys were here visiting D noticed these pictures on our wall:
And asked me why we had these states on our wall. I answered that those were all the states that we had lived in. His next question was where Nevada was. Without thinking, I answered we've never lived in Nevada. His response "Me and Q live there". Immediately I told him that he was right and we'll have to fix the wall. Well today, I finally fixed it:
It's truly incredible how much love I have for these two little humans who have only been in my life 3 months. I also had some pictures printed from Shutterfly to hang on our wall and when I showed them the pictures over FaceTime they were so excited. They even remembered taking them! D asked me where I was going to put them and I asked him if he wanted me to wait until he gets here and he can help me hang them which he was really excited about!
We are missing them so much and although FaceTime is awesome, it is also hard to see their faces and not be able to hug them. We are just going day by day, hoping to hear that our placement has been approved by both states. This process has been slow and hard to handle on some days. Like that one day when the county called me and told me they had to do a new home study for us and we had to have our fingerprints redone. Yeah, that happened. Thankfully, it was all a HUGE misunderstanding and our home study and fingerprints that we already have were correct. And then other days are good. Like when Cliff and I go shopping at 10pm and I think about how soon we won't be able to do that. I'm living in the moment right now. Not planning for the future, just taking every day as it comes. Trying to be positive.
When life gets too hard, I always fall to my knees. God knows His plan for us and all we have to do is have faith and trust in Him. The timing will work out how it's supposed to. The boys will get here when they are supposed to.
xoxo
nikki
We are missing them so much and although FaceTime is awesome, it is also hard to see their faces and not be able to hug them. We are just going day by day, hoping to hear that our placement has been approved by both states. This process has been slow and hard to handle on some days. Like that one day when the county called me and told me they had to do a new home study for us and we had to have our fingerprints redone. Yeah, that happened. Thankfully, it was all a HUGE misunderstanding and our home study and fingerprints that we already have were correct. And then other days are good. Like when Cliff and I go shopping at 10pm and I think about how soon we won't be able to do that. I'm living in the moment right now. Not planning for the future, just taking every day as it comes. Trying to be positive.
When life gets too hard, I always fall to my knees. God knows His plan for us and all we have to do is have faith and trust in Him. The timing will work out how it's supposed to. The boys will get here when they are supposed to.
xoxo
nikki
Wednesday, March 8, 2017
Am I Ready?
As the time gets closer, they've landed, they're picking up the rental car and then driving out here! My nerves are going a mile a minute. I realize this is JUST a visit (believe me I've been told that 1,000 times) but it is so much more than that. This is the first time we get them at home, all to ourselves. Of course our caseworker is coming over to meet the boys so we're not totally by ourselves but still. The boys are on our home turf. We know where to take them, we are comfortable here. This is our (and someday their) home.
Still I couldn't help thinking "am i ready?" last night. For seven years, it's just been me and Cliff. No kids to answer to. No kids to think about. We could up and go to Wal-Mart at 10pm if we wanted to. For so long, I didn't think I would ever have kids. And in an hour they will be taking over my home! It has been such a long ride. I worry I'm not ready.
Who is ever ready for such a big change? We've been waiting for this for 11 months. We've been through the training. We are more than ready in that way. Am I ready emotionally? Am I ready for less sleep?
Yes, it's only a week. But it's a glimpse into our future. Eventually (hopefully soon) they will be here full time. And that's exciting, awesome, scary and happy.
Am I ready? In some ways, yes. In some ways, probably not. I do know that this is going to change our life in a lot of ways. Bring on the changes! I will never be 100% ready.
"If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives."
xoxo
nikki
Still I couldn't help thinking "am i ready?" last night. For seven years, it's just been me and Cliff. No kids to answer to. No kids to think about. We could up and go to Wal-Mart at 10pm if we wanted to. For so long, I didn't think I would ever have kids. And in an hour they will be taking over my home! It has been such a long ride. I worry I'm not ready.
Who is ever ready for such a big change? We've been waiting for this for 11 months. We've been through the training. We are more than ready in that way. Am I ready emotionally? Am I ready for less sleep?
Yes, it's only a week. But it's a glimpse into our future. Eventually (hopefully soon) they will be here full time. And that's exciting, awesome, scary and happy.
Am I ready? In some ways, yes. In some ways, probably not. I do know that this is going to change our life in a lot of ways. Bring on the changes! I will never be 100% ready.
"If we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting for the rest of our lives."
xoxo
nikki
Wednesday, March 1, 2017
Life Lately (Because I can't think of a title any better than that)
I've been quiet on social media lately and that's because I've fallen into what I call the "social media lie". For the most part, we post on social media when things are happy and positive, we don't want to show the dark, bad sides of our lives, only the positive. Well, lately every time I've gone to post it's been negative so I've deleted it.
Today I knew a blog needed to be written about life lately so even though it's gonna be a little (probably a lot) negative, here it is.
Adoption update....*DRUMROLL PLEASE*.... We are.....
STILL WAITING. Now that we have signed our part of the contract we are now waiting on the other state to get their *stuff* together and sign their part so we can begin ICPC.
ICPC (Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children (I knew that without even having to look it up, that's how much we've all talked about it)): Once everything is signed, all our paperwork and the boys paperwork will go to the other state's social services where they will check and make sure everything is there and send it on to Colorado. Denver's social services will check everything, make sure it's all there and send it on to our county, who will also make sure everything is there and once they ok it, we get to go get the boys!!! We have heard time frames anywhere from 1 month to 3 months. It just depends on how long our paperwork sits on someone's desk. The good news is that once the paperwork gets to Colorado, our caseworker has said she is familiar with Denver and our county's social service departments so she will be able to call them and at least see where the paperwork is, which will be really nice!! We love our caseworker so much!!
Lately, I have just been feeling frustrated. I am very thankful for such a kind, caring foster home. I am thankful that the process is going fairly smoothly and quickly. Our caseworker out here is so wonderful and on top of things, we call her with questions all the time and she always has answers. She has told us she will call the caseworker (or foster family), however we just don't want to rock the boat. It has been difficult for me because all the people on our side are out here and it sometimes feels like there is no one on our side out there. (Does that make sense? Probably not). We just want to feel more involved, I think. Someone else, right now, is raising our kids and we are not involved in the daily decisions (or any decisions, really). I worry about how some of the decisions that are made will affect my kids in the future. Sometimes I just want to scream "I'm going to be raising them for the rest of their lives, don't make it harder on me!" We are not in control, we have no say in anything and that is freaking hard. One of the hardest parts is that we don't know what the caseworker out there is saying and telling the foster parents. No one is sharing that information with us and maybe there's no information to share. Maybe she's telling them the same things she's telling us. There are SO MANY questions in my mind. And FaceTime is wonderful but the connections aren't always great, I miss what my boys say sometimes.
I guess what it all boils down to is just that we are ready for them to come home. We are ready for them to call us (and only us) "Mom and Dad". We are ready for them to be a part of our lives already. We just miss them so much.
As far as the store is concerned, something VERY EXCITING did happen!!
After SIX MONTHS, WE FINALLY GOT OUR SIGN!!! There is one on the other side of the building as well and we are SUPER EXCITED! It has been difficult running a business out of a building with a banner (and then when the city made us take that down) no sign. There have been some bumps in the road lately but now that we FINALLY have our sign, we believe we will be busier. Plus we still have St. Patricks to go through! February just sucks because its one week short. If only we could have had another week in February, that would have really helped!
Chewey's "castration" finally healed and is looking really good. That was a tough week and a half on both us and him. He really hated wearing the cone and the onesie (and neither one kept him from licking the spot) so we had to keep an eye on him 24/7. There were a lot of days where I just sat on the couch with my laptop ALL DAY LONG. We are very thankful to be past that and it actually does seem to be helping with his marking! We're glad we got it done before the boys get here too!
Tron had a crick in his neck, where he would cry when he would turn his head a certain way so he got to go to the vet and get some anti-inflammatory pills. He seems to be doing much better now, I think he just slept the wrong way!
So this post was only partly negative! We'll get past the hard days, there just seem to be more of those lately but all we can do is pray, trust in God's timing and try really, really hard to focus more on the good and beauty in each day rather than focusing on the negative and hard stuff.
xoxo
nikki
Today I knew a blog needed to be written about life lately so even though it's gonna be a little (probably a lot) negative, here it is.
Adoption update....*DRUMROLL PLEASE*.... We are.....
STILL WAITING. Now that we have signed our part of the contract we are now waiting on the other state to get their *stuff* together and sign their part so we can begin ICPC.
ICPC (Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children (I knew that without even having to look it up, that's how much we've all talked about it)): Once everything is signed, all our paperwork and the boys paperwork will go to the other state's social services where they will check and make sure everything is there and send it on to Colorado. Denver's social services will check everything, make sure it's all there and send it on to our county, who will also make sure everything is there and once they ok it, we get to go get the boys!!! We have heard time frames anywhere from 1 month to 3 months. It just depends on how long our paperwork sits on someone's desk. The good news is that once the paperwork gets to Colorado, our caseworker has said she is familiar with Denver and our county's social service departments so she will be able to call them and at least see where the paperwork is, which will be really nice!! We love our caseworker so much!!
Lately, I have just been feeling frustrated. I am very thankful for such a kind, caring foster home. I am thankful that the process is going fairly smoothly and quickly. Our caseworker out here is so wonderful and on top of things, we call her with questions all the time and she always has answers. She has told us she will call the caseworker (or foster family), however we just don't want to rock the boat. It has been difficult for me because all the people on our side are out here and it sometimes feels like there is no one on our side out there. (Does that make sense? Probably not). We just want to feel more involved, I think. Someone else, right now, is raising our kids and we are not involved in the daily decisions (or any decisions, really). I worry about how some of the decisions that are made will affect my kids in the future. Sometimes I just want to scream "I'm going to be raising them for the rest of their lives, don't make it harder on me!" We are not in control, we have no say in anything and that is freaking hard. One of the hardest parts is that we don't know what the caseworker out there is saying and telling the foster parents. No one is sharing that information with us and maybe there's no information to share. Maybe she's telling them the same things she's telling us. There are SO MANY questions in my mind. And FaceTime is wonderful but the connections aren't always great, I miss what my boys say sometimes.
I guess what it all boils down to is just that we are ready for them to come home. We are ready for them to call us (and only us) "Mom and Dad". We are ready for them to be a part of our lives already. We just miss them so much.
As far as the store is concerned, something VERY EXCITING did happen!!
Chewey's "castration" finally healed and is looking really good. That was a tough week and a half on both us and him. He really hated wearing the cone and the onesie (and neither one kept him from licking the spot) so we had to keep an eye on him 24/7. There were a lot of days where I just sat on the couch with my laptop ALL DAY LONG. We are very thankful to be past that and it actually does seem to be helping with his marking! We're glad we got it done before the boys get here too!
Tron had a crick in his neck, where he would cry when he would turn his head a certain way so he got to go to the vet and get some anti-inflammatory pills. He seems to be doing much better now, I think he just slept the wrong way!
So this post was only partly negative! We'll get past the hard days, there just seem to be more of those lately but all we can do is pray, trust in God's timing and try really, really hard to focus more on the good and beauty in each day rather than focusing on the negative and hard stuff.
xoxo
nikki
Tuesday, February 21, 2017
Yesterday
Yesterday was HARD. It's funny because I thought doing all the paperwork, interviews, training and waiting to be picked was all going to be the hardest part. Really, ever since we were chosen and met and bonded with the boys but didn't get to bring them home has been the hardest part. (Did any of that even make sense?)
But, yesterday. Yesterday was D's birthday. And we couldn't celebrate it with him in person. Honestly, it's just hard to be missing these things. We've already missed his other birthdays so to miss one more shouldn't be a big deal but it just was. We knew about this birthday. (We also knew that it was unlikely we would get to spend it with him). But just the fact that we knew it was his birthday and we couldn't celebrate it with him in person was awful.
Thank God for FaceTime! We were able to FaceTime with him last night and watch him open the gift we had sent him. We sent L something too, which he was really excited about! I remember being a kid and my grandma would always bring me a gift (something small) when it was my brothers' birthdays so I wouldn't feel left out so we made sure to send L something so he wouldn't feel left out and he was so excited, it was adorable! The FaceTime made me feel a little better because at least we were able to see him on his birthday. (How people adopted before FaceTime I have no clue! I would be so depressed all the time if I couldn't see/talk to my boys at least once a week).
I hate not being with them. But their foster parents! Oh, they are so wonderful! The more we get to know them, the more I realize how blessed we are that they were chosen as the temporary home. They go out of their way to make sure we are involved. There are so, so many blessings in this adoption.
I realized wayyy back at the very start of the whole process that this was going to be a lesson in patience and oh boy is it! If only things worked on my time frame, the boys would have been here 3 months ago!! But it's not my time frame, it's God's and He knows what He's doing.
Yesterday was a hard day. There have been a lot of those and I think there will be more. But there have also been beautiful, wonderful days and I know there will be a lot more of those to come.
xoxo
nikki
But, yesterday. Yesterday was D's birthday. And we couldn't celebrate it with him in person. Honestly, it's just hard to be missing these things. We've already missed his other birthdays so to miss one more shouldn't be a big deal but it just was. We knew about this birthday. (We also knew that it was unlikely we would get to spend it with him). But just the fact that we knew it was his birthday and we couldn't celebrate it with him in person was awful.
Thank God for FaceTime! We were able to FaceTime with him last night and watch him open the gift we had sent him. We sent L something too, which he was really excited about! I remember being a kid and my grandma would always bring me a gift (something small) when it was my brothers' birthdays so I wouldn't feel left out so we made sure to send L something so he wouldn't feel left out and he was so excited, it was adorable! The FaceTime made me feel a little better because at least we were able to see him on his birthday. (How people adopted before FaceTime I have no clue! I would be so depressed all the time if I couldn't see/talk to my boys at least once a week).
I hate not being with them. But their foster parents! Oh, they are so wonderful! The more we get to know them, the more I realize how blessed we are that they were chosen as the temporary home. They go out of their way to make sure we are involved. There are so, so many blessings in this adoption.
I realized wayyy back at the very start of the whole process that this was going to be a lesson in patience and oh boy is it! If only things worked on my time frame, the boys would have been here 3 months ago!! But it's not my time frame, it's God's and He knows what He's doing.
Yesterday was a hard day. There have been a lot of those and I think there will be more. But there have also been beautiful, wonderful days and I know there will be a lot more of those to come.
xoxo
nikki
Saturday, February 18, 2017
Never Too Much Love
*I wrote this a couple days ago but was unsure about posting it
because it shows a side of me that I'm not proud of. But I've always
tried to be open and real and THIS is real life.*
Y'all I have really been struggling the last week and a half. The kind of struggling where I hide out, don't want to see anyone, go anywhere, talk about it (except to my hubs of course).
This Adoption has put me through A LOT. I've gone through what I thought was every emotion. I've struggled with impatience, anger, and frustration. I've leaned on God A LOT. But the last week and a half have been downright hard.
When we went to visit our boys, we were told that it was likely that their foster parent's license was not going to be renewed, it expired at the end of January, and the boys would have to be moved to another home. I was uncomfortable with that then but I had no choice. They had to be in a foster home until they could move out here. At that point no one knew where they would go. Well, her license was not renewed and a week and half ago they were moved to a foster home with two parents. We had no communication with the foster parents or the boys for 5 days. Those were some of the longest 5 days of my life. I had no idea where they were, what they were doing, or how they were adjusting. Finally, after 5 days we had a phone call with the parents and set up to FaceTime the next day. When we finally got to FaceTime the boys looked happy, healthy and they seemed to be bonding well.
Good news, right? Yes, wonderful news! However, the green-eyed monster (jealousy) had bitten me. I felt more jealousy than I had ever felt in my life before. Adoption is born out OF LOSS, they teach you that in every class you go to. Going into this you know that your children have birth parents and foster parents. That they have already called someone else "Mom and Dad". They have already been attached to these people. They teach you about attachment and attachment disorder. They tell you that you are not the first "mom and dad" but hopefully you will be the last. Knowing all of this, I was shocked by the jealousy I was feeling.
I didn't want them bonding with a "new mom and dad". I hated that they were taking them out and having fun with them and I wasn't. My boys are happy, they are having fun and yet I was jealous. I wanted to be doing those things with them. The foster parents were open to us FaceTiming 2-3 times a week and yet I was still jealous. They post pictures for us to see EVERY NIGHT and yet I was still jealous.
Y'all I have struggled more with jealousy in the last week and a half then I ever have before in my whole life. (And that includes when my fertility treatments were failing and it seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant). And I was really, really failing with dealing with it. I knew why I was jealous but I didn't know how to get past it. I didn't know how to let it go. I knew that my boys were in the best home possible for right now. I knew that they were happy and healthy and that was the best. But I still hated it. These loving, wonderful people were posting pictures for me to see and yet I couldn't look at them. I couldn't handle seeing all four of them together smiling like a happy family. This made me feel AWFUL about myself.
And so one night I took it to God. I simply prayed for him to help me deal with my struggles. And the thought occurred to me "THERE CAN NEVER BE TOO MUCH LOVE". NEVER. There will NEVER be TOO MANY people who love and care about my boys. Even though I can't be with them right now, I will be soon and the best thing I can ask for is that they are cared for and loved for until I can do it.
And after taking my struggle to God and hearing his answer, my jealousy disappeared. I was able to focus and see the good again. The good being these wonderful, wonderful people who were willing to take my boys in, love them, bond with them and take care of them.
I am so thankful for a God that loves me despite ALL my faults. And that he never, ever leaves me. He is always there, waiting for me to turn to him so that He can help me.
xoxo
nikki
Y'all I have really been struggling the last week and a half. The kind of struggling where I hide out, don't want to see anyone, go anywhere, talk about it (except to my hubs of course).
This Adoption has put me through A LOT. I've gone through what I thought was every emotion. I've struggled with impatience, anger, and frustration. I've leaned on God A LOT. But the last week and a half have been downright hard.
When we went to visit our boys, we were told that it was likely that their foster parent's license was not going to be renewed, it expired at the end of January, and the boys would have to be moved to another home. I was uncomfortable with that then but I had no choice. They had to be in a foster home until they could move out here. At that point no one knew where they would go. Well, her license was not renewed and a week and half ago they were moved to a foster home with two parents. We had no communication with the foster parents or the boys for 5 days. Those were some of the longest 5 days of my life. I had no idea where they were, what they were doing, or how they were adjusting. Finally, after 5 days we had a phone call with the parents and set up to FaceTime the next day. When we finally got to FaceTime the boys looked happy, healthy and they seemed to be bonding well.
Good news, right? Yes, wonderful news! However, the green-eyed monster (jealousy) had bitten me. I felt more jealousy than I had ever felt in my life before. Adoption is born out OF LOSS, they teach you that in every class you go to. Going into this you know that your children have birth parents and foster parents. That they have already called someone else "Mom and Dad". They have already been attached to these people. They teach you about attachment and attachment disorder. They tell you that you are not the first "mom and dad" but hopefully you will be the last. Knowing all of this, I was shocked by the jealousy I was feeling.
I didn't want them bonding with a "new mom and dad". I hated that they were taking them out and having fun with them and I wasn't. My boys are happy, they are having fun and yet I was jealous. I wanted to be doing those things with them. The foster parents were open to us FaceTiming 2-3 times a week and yet I was still jealous. They post pictures for us to see EVERY NIGHT and yet I was still jealous.
Y'all I have struggled more with jealousy in the last week and a half then I ever have before in my whole life. (And that includes when my fertility treatments were failing and it seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant). And I was really, really failing with dealing with it. I knew why I was jealous but I didn't know how to get past it. I didn't know how to let it go. I knew that my boys were in the best home possible for right now. I knew that they were happy and healthy and that was the best. But I still hated it. These loving, wonderful people were posting pictures for me to see and yet I couldn't look at them. I couldn't handle seeing all four of them together smiling like a happy family. This made me feel AWFUL about myself.
And so one night I took it to God. I simply prayed for him to help me deal with my struggles. And the thought occurred to me "THERE CAN NEVER BE TOO MUCH LOVE". NEVER. There will NEVER be TOO MANY people who love and care about my boys. Even though I can't be with them right now, I will be soon and the best thing I can ask for is that they are cared for and loved for until I can do it.
And after taking my struggle to God and hearing his answer, my jealousy disappeared. I was able to focus and see the good again. The good being these wonderful, wonderful people who were willing to take my boys in, love them, bond with them and take care of them.
I am so thankful for a God that loves me despite ALL my faults. And that he never, ever leaves me. He is always there, waiting for me to turn to him so that He can help me.
xoxo
nikki
Thursday, February 9, 2017
2 Things Happened Yesterday: 1 Heartbreaking, 1 Heartwarming
Let's start with the heartbreaking one first. We castrated our dog, according to the vet. Since when do they call neutering, castration? He was so pitiful when he came home :(
He has also decided that he does not want to leave my side:
Even though the paperwork seems to be taking forever, it is being worked on. The negotiations are going well and it is going as fast as I think it could. Still doesn't seem fast enough! We know this is all in God's time table and everything will happen as it is supposed too.
xoxo
nikki
He was just begging me to get that cone off :(
The vet told us he needed to wear the cone for TWO WEEKS! And he needed to not jump up on things or really be active at all. Um, have you ever met a Havanese before?! He sleeps with one eye open! He doesn't slow down, he loves to run and jump on EVERYTHING! One day home and he's already jumping up on the couch and going down the outside stairs even though I try to stop him and carry him. PLUS he wasn't home long before we realized that the cone DOESN'T prevent him from licking his wound! WHAT?! So at midnight last night (when we realized this), Cliff looked up that other people put their dogs in onesies and he ran to Wal-Mart to get one.
Now Chewey looks like this:
 | ||
At this point we are just really hoping he heals quickly because right now he is still very sleepy but once he gets back to his normal self it is going to be REALLY difficult to get him to sleep and be still.
Now for the heartwarming thing! WE FINALLY GOT TO FACETIME OUR BOYS LAST NIGHT!!! After a week (which seems like a REALLY long time) of not being able to even talk to them, seeing their cute faces was so good for my soul! They are happy and healthy and doing really well!
They were running around with the iPad showing us everything! Their new foster home has two dogs, also a little and a big one, so they had to show us both and then we showed them both of our dogs! B got an Awesome necklace from school for doing his homework, went on a field trip and then their foster dad took them to the park and they played basketball! L is not very talkative but he showed us how he can act like a dog and showed us his new light up Batman watch!
Then they both told us they love us (for the first time)!!!! Nothing will make you melt into a puddle faster than hearing that from your kids whom you only met once!! I about started crying!!
They handed the pad back to the foster dad after that and we said goodbye to him and hung up. Two seconds later our iPad rings again, so we answer it thinking something is wrong and it was just the boys who were upset that they didn't get to say goodbye so they had called just to say goodbye!! We scheduled another FaceTime for Saturday!
Even though the paperwork seems to be taking forever, it is being worked on. The negotiations are going well and it is going as fast as I think it could. Still doesn't seem fast enough! We know this is all in God's time table and everything will happen as it is supposed too.
xoxo
nikki
Monday, February 6, 2017
Meeting the Kids
Ok, here's a very long post about meeting our kids for the FIRST time!
The first thing we had to do was have a meeting with their caseworker, adoption caseworker and their boss. We went over a "parenting plan", basically it said when we could pick the boys up and when we would bring them to their home. Sunday night, if everyone was comfortable, we were allowed to have them sleep over at our hotel and we would drop them off at school on Monday morning. Once that was all decided and every t had been crossed and i had been dotted, (which I think took about an hour but felt like an eternity because we were ready to meet them!) we followed them to the kids' school. When they came out, the caseworker brought them over to our car (it was raining) and we said a quick hello! It was so incredible to meet them in person finally!! They seemed nervous, as were we, so we were unsure if they would be open to hugs or not. We then followed them to a restaurant and when we all got out of our cars, they both ran up to us and gave us hugs!!! (Fear vanished!) They each took one of our hands and we walked into the restaurant. I ordered a salad but basically picked at it, as we were both too busy watching the kids and asking them questions about their favorite things, foods, toys, superheroes, sports and things they didn't like. L was a little quieter than B but he is also younger so I think he is used to B answering for him. It was a little hard to get to know them because it felt like we were being watched. (Which we were). I felt pressure to bond with them immediately and get to know everything about them all at once. After lunch, we went back to the cars where they hugged us goodbye and we told them we would pick them up in the morning.
The next morning we drove to their foster home and they were waiting and ready to go! We took them to an arcade, lunch, a park, out to dinner and then we took them back to their home. When we were at the park, running around with these little munchkins, it suddenly hit me that we were a family. This was going to be life now and I am so so excited. We had SO MUCH FUN. When we were driving them home, B asked me if they were sleeping over that night and when I said no, he was a little disappointed. The bonding was so immediate, they both gave us hugs multiple times during the day and L would run up at any moment to give us hugs. Earlier in the day, Cliff asked them if they knew what adoption meant and told them that we were going to be their forever family and they could call us by our names or they could call us Mom and Dad whenever they were comfortable. They flip flopped a little the first day, sometimes calling us by our names and sometimes calling us Mom & Dad when one of us was gone. For example, when I went to get their food they asked Cliff were Mom was. Dropping them off at their home was so so hard! We wanted to keep them overnight but it wasn't in the plan.
When we picked up B&L the next day, they were so excited because today was the day they got to spend the night!! We went to a museum, which was where L called me Mom for the first time and I didn't even turn around because I'm not used to being called Mom! Then we went to lunch, the store to buy some legos and back to the hotel. Hubs then left to go get pizza. I was sitting on one bed, the kids were on the other bed and B said "I'm going to come sit by you, Mom"! My heart melted! We built their legos, they played Mario on our phones, and they asked me where Dad was. Heart melted again! When he got back, they were so excited to see him and gave him hugs! They went to sleep as well as can be expected for being in a hotel room and woke up really well. As we were driving them to school, L said "I can't wait to tell my friends I got new parents!!" I about died, it was so adorable! Dropping them off at school was one of the hardest things I've ever done. We were uncertain about when we would see them again, as we were leaving that day, so we couldn't tell them "see you next week or in two weeks". I'm not sure L understood that we weren't picking him up later but B knew and as we drove away he looked so sad, I wanted to just take him with us.
It was the BEST trip ever! I had so many fears going into meeting them and NONE of them came true. They are two of the most respectful, caring, sharing, polite kids I have ever met and it is unbelievable that they have been in the system. We miss them SO MUCH! We do get to talk to them on the phone which is nice, however difficult because they are just not phone talkers. It also breaks my heart every time one of them asks when they are coming out here. We have no answer to that question and I wish so much that we did!
xoxo
nikki
Monday, January 16, 2017
2016: A Look Back
2016 both flew by and dragged on. Apparently I didn't feel like writing about any of it, seeing as how I have ZERO blog posts for 2016.
Mostly what I remember from 2016 is trying to get through this adoption process. The paperwork. Oh, the paperwork. Just when you think you're done they send more!
Then the training, 3 hour classes once a week for 6 weeks. And then the home study. Interviews and house tours and more interviews. And then when we finally finished all of that there was MORE waiting. And MORE paperwork. Waiting to hear about our kids took the longest it felt like, although it was actually the shortest period of time. From beginning the paperwork to the completed home study was 5 months (including training). From inquiring about the kids to being chosen as their adoptive family was 3.5 months. So basically adoption takes about as long as pregnancy, if not longer because our kids are still not placed with us (that could be another two months!)
Mostly what I remember from 2016 is trying to get through this adoption process. The paperwork. Oh, the paperwork. Just when you think you're done they send more!
Then the training, 3 hour classes once a week for 6 weeks. And then the home study. Interviews and house tours and more interviews. And then when we finally finished all of that there was MORE waiting. And MORE paperwork. Waiting to hear about our kids took the longest it felt like, although it was actually the shortest period of time. From beginning the paperwork to the completed home study was 5 months (including training). From inquiring about the kids to being chosen as their adoptive family was 3.5 months. So basically adoption takes about as long as pregnancy, if not longer because our kids are still not placed with us (that could be another two months!)
Aside from the adoption, I can't remember much else! I know we moved our store's location to a much better location! That pretty much took up the whole summer. Then we had a Halloween store in our old location, which took up October. I'm sure we worked a lot, I just can't remember it!
We are just so ready for 2017! We already have two OVER-THE-TOP EXCITING things planned for this year!
1.) Meeting our children and our children being placed with us!! (I'm positive these will tie for the number one exciting thing to happen all year!) After not even knowing if we could ever have children, we feel so so blessed to have been led to adoption and to these kiddos.
2.) My Brother's getting married! (I feel confident that this will take spot number two of the most exciting things to happen this year!) We can't wait for his fiancee to be an official part of our family!
I'm sure there will be some trials in 2017. There will be hardships, heartache and pain because that is a part of life. But after 2016 (and 6 years of infertility struggle), 2017 seems off to a pretty great start already! We can't wait to see what else it brings!!
xoxo
nikki
Sunday, January 15, 2017
Surprise! Adoption Party!
(Firstly, it's been so long since I've posted I could not find the new blog button even though it was right in front of my face!)
This week we found out that we were chosen to be the adoptive parents for two siblings! We had been waiting (and waiting and waiting) to hear since September! The day of the meeting (and the day before), I was flooded with texts and calls all wishing us luck, supporting us and sending us love. It was amazing to me how many people remembered that day and every text/call made me cry! (I'm even crying now writing about it!) The day we found out I texted/called so many people who were SO EXCITED for us! I think I said "thank you" that day more than I've ever said it in my life! I also think I cried more happy tears that day than ever before!
So on Friday, we had some planned evaluations that we had to go to the store and do. When we got to the store, our employees (plus two ex-employees) were lined up and sang "Happy Adoption Day to You" as soon as we walked through the door. I was...surprised to say the least! Then we went to the back where they had balloons, cake, and a card that they had all signed. (I'm crying again just writing this). It was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for us. It was amazing to see all the support and love that they have for these sweet siblings that will be joining us. These kids are so loved already and they are going to have so many toys/gifts by the time they move in!
I have said it/posted it so many times but I just have to thank everyone who has been so supportive through this adoption. It has been a LOT of waiting, taught me a LOT of patience, but finding out that these boys are OURS has made every second of it worth it.
Ok, pictures!
xoxo
nikki
This week we found out that we were chosen to be the adoptive parents for two siblings! We had been waiting (and waiting and waiting) to hear since September! The day of the meeting (and the day before), I was flooded with texts and calls all wishing us luck, supporting us and sending us love. It was amazing to me how many people remembered that day and every text/call made me cry! (I'm even crying now writing about it!) The day we found out I texted/called so many people who were SO EXCITED for us! I think I said "thank you" that day more than I've ever said it in my life! I also think I cried more happy tears that day than ever before!
So on Friday, we had some planned evaluations that we had to go to the store and do. When we got to the store, our employees (plus two ex-employees) were lined up and sang "Happy Adoption Day to You" as soon as we walked through the door. I was...surprised to say the least! Then we went to the back where they had balloons, cake, and a card that they had all signed. (I'm crying again just writing this). It was one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for us. It was amazing to see all the support and love that they have for these sweet siblings that will be joining us. These kids are so loved already and they are going to have so many toys/gifts by the time they move in!
I have said it/posted it so many times but I just have to thank everyone who has been so supportive through this adoption. It has been a LOT of waiting, taught me a LOT of patience, but finding out that these boys are OURS has made every second of it worth it.
Ok, pictures!
I love this banner! Of course, we're not adopting babies so the bottle is a little misleading but it was still super creative!
The cake said "Love Makes A Family, Congrats!" I just didn't get a picture before they cut it!
nikki
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)